Sisters ~ Til Death Us Do Part

The following excerpt is a journal entry from a very close friend. She emailed it to me this morning reminding me of what we've had to overcome. She was, at one time, my sister-in-law; but through a series of sequential events, we weren't able to speak for several years.

Now, both in our 30's, we've been in contact again for about 10 years and still refer euphemistically to each other as sisters (not ex-sisters-in-law) although we have no "legal" relation. But what does sisterhood consist of? It's not necessarily the blood that courses through our veins, but rather the love and experiences that knit us together forever.

In reading this entry from her journal, I feel as if I'm watching that part of my life like a movie. Because we lived it, we simply accepted it. Viewing the experience this way now, I see the tragedy in it that neither of us could have foreseen. Just like a movie that you see it in it's entirety though, this account also has a happy ending.

And now you'll also know that my name is Michelle.

One person that has influenced me more than anyone is my best friend Michelle. But truly she is more than my best friend; she is my sister, guider, and mentor.

I met Michelle at the age of 12. She began dating my oldest brother and although we were 7 years apart we hit it off immediately. We liked so many of the same things; reading, poetry, writing, clothes, current hair styles, movies, and boys. At times I was almost jealous of my older brother because he was able to spend more time with her than me; nonetheless, our relationship grew and in two years I was delighted when she married my brother, officially becoming my sister, and gave birth to my first nephew Steven.

Our relationship grew tremendously within the next year; after all we were sisters at that point. During the summer I would stay weeks with her while my brother worked third shift jobs and sometimes even worked overtime. We watched Steven together, would go grocery shopping together, draw together, and became fascinated with 50's pop music together. She even showed me how to drive her car although I was only 14. I loved and adored her, more than anything I wanted to be like her when I grew up, strong, determined, and willing to try out new things.

Looking back I realize that Michelle saved my life during those years. My relationship with my overly verbally abusive family became strained and although I was only 14 I often contemplated suicide. I felt so misunderstood and different but because of Michelle I had someone to turn to, someone that liked and loved me and someone that I could like and love in return.

As the years went on Michelle and I stayed close although once she had my niece Emily and I began high school we weren't able to spend as much time together with each other as we would have liked. But we were still sisters and I loved having her as my sister. However, after I graduated from high school in 1994 we were able to see one another much more and I noticed a change in her. The years of being with my abusive asshole brother had caused her to grow weary and she asked him for a separation. Although I completely understand and whole-heartedly supported her decision, I felt sad as well. She was my sister and I wanted her to always be my sister. I didn't want her to leave.

The following year they divorced and she began her new life. After she left things changed in a way that I never predicted. My family hated and blamed her for everything. They concluded that she had an affair and that my brother, of course, could not be at fault for anything. But to me she was still my sister; I loved her; I had loved her for practically as long as I could remember and I did not want to divorce her. I was crushed when my family forbade me to see her and threatened to disown me if I did. But I loved my sister, how could I not see her? I was almost jealous of her, if only I could divorce my family and start new just as she did. The years have passed and although my parents still blame her for everything I do attempt to remain in contact with her. As I have grown and been separated from her I have realized the powerful impact she has had on my life. If she had never entered my life who knows what may have happened to me? Instead, today I am a strong (or at least I like to believe so) woman that has gone on to become a teacher, traveler, dreamer, and doer. I am truly a reflection of her, my sister. Her influence upon me has caused me to realize that blood relation does not necessarily define one's family, it is love that does.