I'm just a girl trying to find her own custom groove in this world without bending to the expectations of others.

Friday, January 25, 2008

The Bloat

Webster defines it as expanding or swelling with or as with air or water. History knows it as the Burgeoning Layer Of Abdominal Tearing.

Men won't get this. Sure they get the occasional indigestion, remedied by an inner-fisted baby punch to the sternum area, but it's not The Bloat. Only other women understand the pain and discomfort that's associated with bowling ball weight between the naval and the pelvic bone. Hurts to sit, hurts to stand. And holding the stomach muscles tight in that ever slimming, shoulders back pose - not happening. It hurts too much.

And it's not even a week that I should be bloated.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Dajuanna Phillips

I really dislike selling, but it comes naturally. It's easy and I'm good at it - at least that's what I've been told. I'm a pro at reading a situation and slanting the outcome to work in my favor. I should have been a politician, but I'd probably dislike that even more than sales.

I think I acquired this skill in my junior high years out of pure necessity. There was this girl, Dajuanna Phillips. She was white and meaner than a damn snake. A bully if there ever was one. I don't know how many girls and guys she beat the crap out of. And I was on her list on more than one occasion. For what, I never knew. I just knew that I had to do whatever I needed to keep my ass safe.

She would have been a good kid really, but probably didn't have parental support or guidance in any area of her life. Her kid sister Angelique was destined to be just like her, creating a wake of fear throughout her high school years.

Despite being scared to death of Dajuanna, I kind of liked her. Well, respected her anyway. She didn't take any crap - even from the teachers. The first few times I was on her "ass-kicking" list, I avoided her and her groupies at all costs. If that meant walking outside the building to bypass "her" hallway, I'd freeze. If it meant not eating lunch that day so I wouldn't run into her in the cafeteria, I'd starve.

About the fourth round of possible beatings, I decided to approach the situation from a different angle. We were freshmen by this time and I knew that if I didn't eventually face her, my whole high school career would be jeopardized. I had no friends that were as strong as her and nobody that wasn't afraid of her.

I will never forget the moment. I can't tell you if it was winter or spring. I can't tell you the class I had before or after, but I remember where we were and what was said. It was right after gym class and we were standing by the East doors waiting for the dismissal bell. Dajuanna dared a couple of her buddies to leave early (punishable by after school detention). No one bit. Except me.

"I'll do it." I dared.

She looked at me with such disbelief that it fueled my fire. "If you dare to do it with me." I challenged.

Without another word, she grabbed my arm and we walked out of the gym. I could feel her looking at me so I glanced over and said, "that was cool," to which she responded, "yeah".

"Why?" she asked simply.

"Because I had to talk to you in private." I said.

Sarcastically, "So?"

I then began to tell her the whitest of white lies. I told her that there was this older girl (don't even remember her name) that wanted to beat me up and that I needed someone like herself on my side. The reality was that I only sensed that this other girl didn't like me, she never actually threatened me.

It didn't matter. From that day on Dajuanna was my protector, creating the illusion that I was to be feared as much as her. In fact, no one ever bothered me again in school. But I didn't use that to my advantage. I was nice to everyone.

And the selling skills were honed.

Saturday, January 19, 2008


Possibly thinking about maybe hopefully, potentially posting again.