Despite all my motivational reading, all my positive thoughts, there is one area of life that is always a challenge for me - finding time to enjoy everything I love.
Maybe the problem is that I love too many things. In this fast-paced, hustle bustle world, maybe a person should have only one or two small hobbies that they like to endulge in. Not eight or ten!
These are the things that I like to do for myself - aside from the standard spending time with my family and friends:
- Reading/writing
- Scrapbooking
- Puzzles
- Cross Stitching
- Watching movies
- Word games and brain teasers
- Cooking/baking
Not necissarily in that order. Some days I would prefer to do one thing more than another. My problem is, that unless everything else is in order, I can't sit down and have fun with any of them. My house has to be clean, the laundry done and put away, I have to be showered and even hidden things have to be organized. This part of me drives me crazy!
Seeing that the house needs tidying everyday, a good cleaning weekly and laundry at least once a week too, it seems impossible to settle down with a good book or pick up a crossword puzzle. Add three home businesses to the mix, two teenagers and one toddler and I barely have time to accomplish all that needs to be done, let alone the things I would like to do.
Then I find myself apologizing to people for not being able to make time for them. Feelings of guilt that I'm not doing more volunteering and socializing often seep into the cracks of my crumpled world. But when I let the other things go in lieu of fun, I get frazzled and overwhelmed and even angry. It's easier to cheat myself and keep everyone else happy.
I either have to get over my obsession with organization or accept that I will not have the time to spend on the things I enjoy. Even as I type it, I know I won't follow through. The battle within will rage on with small victories occasionally and breif epiphanies centering me once again, only to start over in an annoying cyclical onslaught.
11 comments:
Quick - think of the 5 best moments in your life.
Got em? Ok, now how many of them involved reading, writing, scrapbooking, puzzles, cross stitching, watching movies, word games, cooking/baking or cleaning?
While AC makes a good point, I know what you're saying. People NEED a little me-time. Some folks can get what they need just from their time thinking about stuff while doing other mundane tasks (like while doing housework or taking a shower or on the daily commute). Others need dedicated time to let some energy out with a hobby or favorite pastime (like reading or a bowling league or going to the movies or whatever.)
I too have a hard time carving out a place for myself in my life, and I dont have nearly as much going on as you do. So obviously I dont have the answer. Guess we just have to do the best we can to squeeze ourselves in there somewhere! :)
Take a deep breath.....and then breathe out. Relax....
Never, ever apologize to people because your life is busy. That's how life is meant to be! Filled with too many things, unfortunately as mundane as cleaning and laundry; and then time to go out and do things, or scrapbook, etc. get pushed to the wayside. But take comfort in knowing that someday... esp. when your toddler is in school, and your teenagers are just a bit older - you may find yourself with so much time on your hands, you'll be longing for the days of the chaos. It all checks and balances my friend.... :)
I know what you mean though - it's hard to not get lost in all of it and lose sight of what you enjoy doing as YOU, not "mom" or "wife". Maybe pick one of those things - and fit it in. Once that's manageable - you can move onto more!
What Rebecca says is true.....all too soon you will miss that chaos. But remember, once a mom always a mom and that translates into being a "grandma" and not only wanting, but actually needing, to make time to be a part of your children and grandchildren' lives as well.
You don't stop loving your children because they have all grown up......you really love them more and you can be friends with them as well. Then the love for grandchildren is as stong as it is for children and you don't want to miss the important moments in their lives either.
I think women who have been primary caregivers to their families will always put themselves and what they like to do last. It's just the way we are. I think sometimes we undermine our own time we could have to be doing the things we enjoy by being so involved with loved ones; which doesn't make it wrong or right....it's just the way it is!
I believe it will all work out the way it is supposed to in the long haul! Hugs to you, daughter and friend!
I can totally relate to what you are sharing. I am too tidy and it hinders me as I cannot focus on anything if things are out of order and not in there place.
I am reminded of an acronym for Joy….
Jesus
Others
You
If you want real joy in your life, Jesus needs to come 1st; even before the house being tidy……do you remember the scripture where Jesus was visiting Mary and Martha? One woman was getting the house in order and was getting frustrated because her sister was sitting at the feet of Jesus, and Jesus simply said that at his feet is the best place to be. So let me encourage you…sit with Jesus and all these things will truly appear meaningless. For I have learned that when you get alone with the Master; you cannot walk away from that encounter and experience the same way. You always walk away different; and sitting with Jesus is the safest and most intimate place any person can be. You encourage me because you are so much like I am.
Thank you for sharing your struggle.
I hear you too. Never enough hours in the day! I won't repeat what everyone else has said, but I will say that I no longer try to be a perfect housekeeper, and I do try to take some time for the artistic things I love. We share many of these hobbies, and some of the treasured moments in my life have been in looking at scrapbooks, baking with my son, inspired by a great movie, feeling good about something I wrote, or in seeing someone I love enjoy something I made.
You DO get more time as the kids get older and more independent. Wow. This was long anyway, wasn't it?
Most of my grandparents died before I really remember knowing them. But my grandma on my mother's side was different. She was the one adult constant in my life as I was growing up. My parents were always kind of busy so Nana would babysit. She gave birth to my mom late in life so she was in her early 70's by then, but you'd never know it by meeting her. She would chase me around the house in a cape (towel tied around our necks) with me pretending to be Robin to her Batman. Then she'd toss me on the couch and tickle me as I giggled like a crazed hyena.
She'd always make pb&j and banana sandwiches that I can still almost taste sitting here 25 years later. We'd sit down for lunch and she tell me about coming of age in the Roarin' 20's and the crazy clothes she used to wear. Then she'd do all the dances she learned back then.
It really was a special time for me growing up and back then I thought she'd always be there in my life.
But by the time they diagnosed the lung cancer, she didn't have long to live. Actually the doctors were amazed she had survived that long. I guess the years of her working around coal mines during the Depression along with other mill work her whole life had finally caught up with her.
The last couple of weeks were a whirlwind with trips back and forth to hospitals and making "arrangements". I only saw glimpses of her as she was shuttled back and forth between God knows where.
But on her last day, she called me into where she laid dying. They knew her time was short, so they brought her home from the hospital permanently and put her in my room just waiting for the end to come. I tiptoed into the room and quietly backed myself against the wall. She smiled graciously and summoned all her remaining strength to motion me closer to the bed. Up to this early stage in my life, I think this was as scared, confused and angry as I'd ever been. I inched closer as she took me by the hand and pulled me close. She lifted her head slightly to whisper something into my ear.
Seconds later she was gone, but her final seven words still haunt me to this day....
"I wish I spent more time scrapbooking".
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Disclaimer - this story is entirely fictional.
Morale of the story - savor the time you have with the ones you love. It'll be gone too soon.
AC~ I do know not to waste time with my loved ones. I truly enjoy spending time with them and for as much as I spend time on them, I wouldn't have that any other way.
I simply want some time to do the things I enjoy too. Not alone time, just a portion of my alotted time doing the things I love to do.
At the end of my life, I doubt I'll say I wish I had done more scrapbooking. Certainly, I won't say I wish I had cleaned my house more. What I want to say is that I made the most of my time here on earth and that I truly enjoyed living.
At times (like the other day when I was feeling overwhelmed) I feel like I am living my life to be of service to everyone else, not finding pleasure in it for me. And that is okay too. Most of the time I find pleasure in the hecticness of it all. But sometimes, I miss enjoying the small things.
However, I create my scrapbooks for future generations. All our memories in a parade of pictures and journaling. Even a scrapbook about me for my children someday and one of the dreams I have. These are important things too. At the end of my life, I think I will be happy that I took the time to create these things. So that my memories wont die with my body. I don't want to say at the end of my life that I wish I had done more scrapbooking. I want to say that I created all the scrapbooks that I intended to.
That crazy AC just likes to play Devil's Advocate. I love that about them. (Aren't you surprised?)
If you had multiple personalities like me you could easily get all the things done that you enjoy. Sure you'd end up tied down in an insane asylum , but you have to break a few eggs in you want to make an omelet. lol
My kids are teenagers now and I actually have LESS time now than I did when they were little...so it really doesn't get easier (at least at this point). I completely understand what you are saying...completely. I've been working two jobs lately and I come home being cranky because I don't have some down time to sit and knit, write, draw, whatever. Almost everything that I love to do are things I can do in the midst of my family. I know that my children like to read, draw and be creative because those are things they have seen me do and that we have done together. Everyone needs something that is their own. And being able to refill that part of yourself, you are able to be more giving to those around you.
I'm thinking all of us women need to get together one day...but it's so nice to have the support in the meantime. Hugs to you!
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