In the Know

"Experience is costly, when you sell your youth to buy it."

I was 13 years old when I wrote this quote and my mom flipped out. She was certain that I was taking drugs or that I had engaged in a sexual encounter. But I was merely thinking, not reflecting.

Even at that tender age, I had been through enough to know that I would never be innocent again. The passing of my father after a battle with cancer left me knowing that part of my childhood would not be remembered fondly and that my future would be adversly affected at different times throughout my life.

Think about it. Once you know something, you can never go back to the state of not knowing. The experience and it's after effects cannot be erased from your mind. At least without a really good shrink.

I'm not saying they should be erased, I'm simply commenting on the fact that once you are "in the know" you are never the same person prior to that experience whether it's good or bad.

Here are some things I wish I didn't know:

• What it feels like to lose a father and grow up watching other girls hate theirs.
• The raw pain and loss of stillbirth.
• The fear of watching your young child go through illness and surgery.
• The guilt of hurting children through the process of divorce.
• The disappointment of another person's betrayal.